Today I nearly cried. I teared up and I sincerely hope the students didn't see it.
My teacher had to fly out of state to teach critical reading (or something similar). We were left alone. We were bereft, and we had a substitute teacher. I knew we were going to have one, I even had my own copy of the sub notes and the assignments for the day. The students always act up and I was expecting some flare ups. I didn't expect to have to dose fires started by the sub. The sub had actually left me to teach, after taking role. She even left me alone in the room at one point, I didn't realize what a bad idea that could have been until much later. (Yeah for legalities.) Several students had missed the last class or two, so they were way behind in the reading and topics covered. There was a pass and response writing assignment and I wanted them to at least get some credit. I asked them to write that they were gone and try to use the chapters they had read to fill in the prompt. Only one previously gone student wrote anything at all. Let's call him Carlos. Carlos wrote that he missed class and was behind because he was in in-school suspension. The sub was working the timer near him and saw what he wrote. She told him, loudly, that in-school suspension was no reason to have gotten behind on work. It had to be embarrassing. When he told her he wasn't allowed to bring anything into in-school suspension she started arguing with him. I stepped in and said that I was not sure how it was handled for all students, but that I had, in a previous placement, delivered work to in-school suspension and the students didn't have anything that wasn't delivered by paras or others. The sub finally backed off and I got Carlos reading to catch up. Later, Carlos stopped me and thanked me for standing up for him and listening. I told him I appreciated that he had tried to write something. At the end of class he stayed after to tell me he thought I would make a great teacher because I understood the students and I tried to talk to them. I so nearly cried. It was my best teacher-type moment yet.
I know it must be hard to be a substitute. I plan on being one if I graduate in the fall. This is the second no-so-great sub we have had in the last three weeks. The first one was just disorganized and left the class mostly to the para and me. Though come to think of it, he almost had a run-in with Carlos too. I know he picked on another male student, Aaron. It is like they take a flash perception of the class and pick out the “bad” ones. They pick or embarrass them, perhaps in a mislead way to strike the first blow. They see Aaron and they see a emo-esque slacker and think he is going to be a problem. He rarely is, though he is hard to motivate. I worry about him. They see Carlos and they see Hispanic gang-banger and think he doesn't care about school. What I see is a student who pulled himself out of the gangs to secure himself a real future. I am only there one class a day. I can't see it all. But is it because I want to see? Is it really necessary to embarrass students or ignore them rather than to pay attention?
Other, less exciting business: The students are deep into Catcher in the Rye now. Which means, among other things, that my unit is swiftly approaching. I feel unprepared. I am as nervous as a baby gazelle in a lion exhibit. Sure I could run or jump, but would it really help anything. Let me preface with the fact that I dislike Catcher. I find it a chore. I see qualities in it that are relevant and certainly teachable. The students like the gritty images and swear words. A few of the girls have asked me when Holden finally gets some alcohol. I told them they needed to read on. I won't like everything I have to teach. So I have to find ways to make it liveable for me and my students. That is a precious lesson...if I can learn it. Any tips or ideas? Help me??!!!
